| Post surgery up date.... |
[Mar. 8th, 2010|02:55 am] |
Its two weeks post surgery. Well, really almost three weeks.
I went in to the doctor last week so he could check my incision and remove the staples. OH, MY, FUCKIN, GOD that hurt. Over all, he said that the site looked great. However, I am still in a good deal of pain. I have been wearing a binder to help support my abdominal muscles. The incision was just above my navel all the way down to my pubic bone.... some 45 staples and i felt every one of them little fuckers.
Surgery went off on the 15th at 7:30... I took a zanex before we left the house at 5:30. That helped a lot... i have to be honest i was terrified.
Previous tests came back that i have a protein C deficiency which means that i am at high risk for clotting. Known as the clotting factor 5. I was consumed by the fear of what they might find. Would something go wrong in surgery? Would i wake up? Is this the last time i would see my beloved M... I tried to make sure I told people i loved that i loved them and to make sure that if something did happen that M would be cared for and there would be support for her.
I know a lot of people were upset that i did not call them and tell them or give them personal up dates. i am sorry i didn’t but at the time if felt like all i could do to keep M and i on tract emotionally. It really had to be just about me, preparing and getting through this. Rather than making it about others.... Plus, for some reason i have never been a person that has to broadcast my struggles in open lists and mass emails... sorry it’s just not who i am... i deal with things and move forward... plus i would rather tell you about it once i have gone through it... seems more empowering for me.
Anyway, surgery was 2 hours longer than originally planned it seemed the tumor was larger than they thought with two very larger ovarian cysts. In total they removed 5lbs of fibrous tumor and 2lbs in ovarian cyst. My ovaries were greatly enlarged with endometriosis. The doctor said, they looked like cauliflower and most likely weren’t working; hence the migraines, and night sweats.
The fibroid had positioned itself towards my back, including my colon, lower intestines and my right kidney... Amazing i have been living like this for the last 2-3 years. All the while my doctors at the VA said i just needed to exercise and eat more fiber.... amazing...
I will never again allow Doctors to blow me off like that. i KNEW something was wrong and that was just bullshit. Why do we do that? Why in the face of fifteen minutes we get with our doctors do we pretend like they know more than we do about our bodies? It is like we expect that if we tell them something is wrong that they will actually listen and investigate. i am intelligent. i advocate for myself and have for others. It is not like i am some shrinking violet (That is funny, the thought of me as a flower of any sort ) I think there is this need to have doctors be the interpreters of our bodies, after all isn’t that what they get paid the big bucks for? None the less no more just showing up... They hate it when you do your on line research and ask the pointed questions but shit if we don’t make them accountable who will.... more then ever we have to be consumers. OH THE JOYS OF SOCIALIZED MEDICINE...
I had a really hard time coming out of anesthesia, kept forgetting to breathe the nurse said... I think they wanted to bring me out of it slowly.... i got paranoid the last two times and they didn’t want to put me through that... I awoke to Mistress holding me.... it was the most wonderful experience to have her there with me. The staff in recovery and on the ward was wonderful. i think maybe for the first time in my medical history, i felt safe secure and cared for. The staff took a real holistic and compassionate approach to my care.
By noon i was given my first shot of heparin and HRT... That is right HRT right out the gate.. Left a bitch of a bruise on my leg but the doctor said he didn’t want to put me through any menopausal symptoms during my recovery... so i will have it in my system for the next 2 -3 months to which i have to take these darn heparin shots three times a day... god that sucks but then so does a clot in my brain or lungs. I'll take the shots.
By five in the afternoon i was standing up bed side.... i actually felt pretty good. Of course morphine is my friend... and we do like the automatic pump deal.. I would not be able to stand till the evening of the next day... but that was ok.. i was feeling ok and sleeping a lot...then came the third day and i just knew i was dying....for real. i don’t think i have ever had as much pain in my body. When you have abdominal surgery, air gets trapped in your abdominal cavity and it pushes against your diaphragm this irritates it and there is a lot of referred pain, at least until you can start to release that gas, i couldn’t eat sleep or move around without intense pain...I think they tried everything... i walked to floor as much as i could. I drank warm apple juice (which eventually worked) M rubbed by back and tummy for hours. God she rocks.....
Drummer who was allowed to be there with me the whole time even got in the bed with me, he was great... everything i hoped he would be while we were there.... He was amazing. He got up in the bed so carefully and laid with his back against my tummy ( i was on my side) strangely that counter pressure really helped. M couldn’t get him out of my bed... She had to force him to go pee and then he was right back in bed with me.... he went on all my walks with me and became a huge hit on the ward.
I was there for five days and by the fifth i was so ready to come home and start to heal, It was time as i needed desperately to keep to my diet.. Amazing how hospital food prep department did not know what a vegetarian diet is. They brought me fish and said but that’s not meat. smiles..
One thing that the VA has done well is that they provided me with home health care.. One hour a day 6 days a week for 6 weeks..... OH i can’t tell you how helpful that has been... i would just die if M had to come home from a 12 hour day and do my chores.... here they help me cook, clean bath ( in the beginning) and keep up with little things around here. It was awkward at first but really they have turned out to be great... jeana is a spit fire... The Girl LE has also been awesome...... she had done all of my food shopping and indulged me in my sushi addiction. lol
So far so good... things are healing but i get really tired and still sleep a great deal. I have taken to finishing my book during this time. I am really hoping to get it out there by summer. It has been long enough. I mean for real. It will be nice to get some energy back. I am still eating most of my meals raw and am expanding on the ways to prepare foods i like and looking into macrobiotic eating as well. i want to eat one cooked meal a day but i want it to be healthy and not to off the meal plan.
I go back to the doc at the end of the month and if all goes well i will be medically released. I have plans to get into some sort of exercise plan, something that I can stick to and incorporate as a life plan rather then something I do just to lose weight.
I have already decided that i will not do HRT... (Hormone replacement therapy) There are too many side effects. i will wait and see what symptoms i will have... My headaches can be controlled with zomeg and the night sweats and hot flashes i will just be naked all the time. No wait, maybe not so much in the grocery store. Anyway, i will deal with them as best i can. There are some really good homeopathic treatments that i can use. The big thing is going to be diet. A vegetarian, vegan diet with certain supplements along with exercise three to four times a week, no smoking ,,, stay clear of processed foods and eat as much organic as possible..... FOOD MY FRIENDS IS THE BEST MEDICINE... i am not rejecting western medicine i am rejecting the notion that i should have to ingest a toxin to make myself feel better when i can obtain a similar more healthy effect with something more natural.... Remifemin has been studied in the UK and has been found to be effective in controlling those symptoms. It is also been helpful for people with EOF early ovarian failure.
Mistress' foot is finally on the mend slow but sure...... amazing the raining and pouring that goes on here lol....
WOW this is a long one...
Chapter 10 done and only 12 more to go..... WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING...lol |
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| THE END OF MY 15 DAY FAST; REALIZATIONS |
[Jan. 30th, 2010|03:08 am] |
I ended my fifteen day fast on Thursday and i wanted to share some of my realizations.
People fast for a number of reasons, all are personal and all are right.
I went into this out of a need to prepare for surgery and increase my rate of healing… But there were other realizations and points of learning. I am by no means saying that it was easy. I had definite ups and downs and still my body is teaching me the things I need to know.
Like most people I thought of fasting was this hippy, crunchy way to be difficult at family dinners and social gatherings. Where it can be difficult the rewards out weight the temporary discomfort.
An awakening of self. I became very aware of my body and my mind… First came the “in your face” “westerners don’t get fasting” and just about everything revolves around food. I found myself getting angry that friends and some family that insisted on talking about what they had for dinner or how wonderful this cook book is…. My brain when through its first healing crises…. I had to find some point of compassion and allow that anger to pass…. People think it that is just your physical self that goes through a healing crisis. Nice thing is the mind works things out rather quickly so that you tend to have bad days not bad weeks….Just as my body no long craved sugars or processed foods, by the end of my fast I also began to reject the negative thinking in others…… if I had processed foods right now I would be sick ….. My brain responds the same to whining and general negativity…..Again happiness doesn’t happen by accident. Either does positive thinking… Positive thinking is the organic food for the brain…. Try some and perhaps you will find that the things that seem frustrating and overwhelming are just minor bumps in the road. They are reasons to succeed rather than reasons to fail….Just as I truly plan to stay clear of foods that have a toxifying nature…. I am setting my sites on staying clear of those whose negative defeatist thinking weighs on me. It’s just plain toxic.
The nature of loving one’s self: My realization here is that cleansing the body and well as providing it with nutrition and rejuvenation seems to be the highest form of self love. I do not confuse self love with self centeredness or egotistical thinking. This type of self caring and nurturing makes it possible for me to invite others into my life and in a real and meaningful way. I feel be successful at any positive life change or process, one must have a basic amount self love, confidence and a “can do” attitude. The ability to see each new challenge as something to learn form will help as well.
Another part to this self love is decoding my body’s messages. There is nothing more one can due while fasting than to pay close attention. People talk about what energy they had, this was not the case with me. When I was tired I slept, when I was hungry I nourished my body and when I struggled I allowed it… I had to have faith that like the ever changing weather these emotions and physical sensations would pass and were all a message with meaning. My only job was to pay attention.
Creating balance: In all my reading the claim is that it takes between 90 and 108 days to rejuvenate every cell in the body. Of course that wasn’t my focus but I found it an interesting prospect. I thought a lot about this balance that I have been wishing to achieve in my life and came to a realization that seems to speak to me. When we talk of balance what come to my mind is balanced friendships/ work/ family / relationships/community/ pursuits; all associated with external things.. The desire to create balance seems to manifest itself in control rather than balance. If I fix all of the external things that are out of balance somehow it will all fall into place and I will happy? However, what seems more accurate is that if I could create balance in my body, and in my mind it might very well create a ripple effect in all other areas of my life? Would it be safe to say that as my body is in balance my life will naturally find its own balance?
Spiritual practice and my fasting: For thousands of years monks and nuns and lay people of all faiths have been using the tool of fasting or near fasting to achieve a form of enlightenment or religious realizations? This was not a goal of mine. I did make it a practice to offer a voice of thankfulness and to voice my prayers out loud. It is interesting how when you say them to yourself its much different when you say them allowed. However, I must confess that it wasn’t until I came off my fast and took my first bite of real food my belief and true gratitude came alive. Live raw food really put me in touch with my spirituality and I was thankful in a real and conscious way. Now before I eat I do say a word of thankfulness. A part of my own spiritual practice is living consciously in a real and meaningful way. I say that I naturally live consciously, after all, one can’t close their eyes while driving and not expect to crash, right? However, my sense is that this is different. It is noticing things and people in a way that seems different. I know that it is easy to return to that sleepy form of living but it would be my wish to continue to practice a form of mindfulness and awareness of others and be forever grateful for their presents in my life.
There it is Fasting is not for everyone but for me it made a differance after only 15 days,,,,,, I am sure as my journey continues I will have more to share but for now let me say that “life is good” So let us feast and let us live.
z
PS A SPECIAL THANKS TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR YOUR SUPPORT. |
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| Fasting day 12 |
[Jan. 25th, 2010|10:36 am] |
I havent written much in the last couple of days because there was not much to report.
All is well. I am on my 12th day of fasting and i have lost 14lbs. Again that was not the goal but its a good movitator.
On thursday i went to have a massage and it was really wonderful. The therapist shared with me a natural hearler that is out on the lake. I did some searching around on this person and i wasnt about to find anything that would cause me to travel an hours or so to see him. As much as i would like to adjunct western medician into my health care plan i am just not sure i am willing to give up my surgery for a chance.. I just dont know.
I have been trying to keep all of these thoughts of the impending surgury at bay simply because they can run amuck and who needs that. At the same time i can't deny the fact that the fear of it all. Meditation and a focus on health seems to help....
In the last couple of days i have had a few unpleasent symptoms with regards to the fasting.. I ich like a mad dog.. mainly around my joints... who knows what that means but i will survive i am sure.
As i had mentioned in a previous journal ... every thing must come in its own time. Its a process to adding things on to your regieme this is never so true than with exercise, To day i will beging a competition with myself. The petameter the VA gave me will act as a mark for how much movement i do though out the day..... its not a sprint its a marathon, but i would like to see me get more physically active each day even if its one more step than the day before...small goals big results...
well off to start my day |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2010|01:40 pm] |
Still trying to figure out the nutritional aspects of what I am doing
Finding the right balance of water, sleep and nutrition has proven more difficult that I originally thought. I cannot how very important sleep is for over all function as I do this juice fasting; even more so than when eating the standard American diet. I fine that need less sleep because I am sleeping better. I stayed up with M tonight and I imagine I will pay for it tomorrow morning.
Energetically, I had a great day. I ventured out today, to the store and a few other errands. It felt good to have that energy but I am finding that its brief… and I have to drink every two to three hours. If I don’t I get light headed. It makes sense though because the nutrients are being distributed almost as soon as I drink them. I tummy and intestines don’t really have to do much but clean house. That also means that I need a steady intact of those minerals. I have also noticed that I am able to really focus a lot better but I also get cold easier… so go figure.
The nice thing is that this morning I was not so sleepy. Got up and did a few things around the house. Made a few juices for the frig. It’s not something I think is the best to do nutritionally but I wanted to see if I could spend less time in the kitchen.
I get now why people go for different juicers. The one I have (champion) works great but I don’t think it was meant to have large amounts of juice (one quart every 2-3 hours) It will take a while but I will figure out what method works best.
Ok here is the killer… do know how much 2 lbs of leafy greens make up… 0ne lbs is 6 large bowls.. 5 carrots takes 30 mins to eat. Not to mention all the other greed needed to maintain micro-nutrients… ok I could spend all day eating just to get the basics of what I need..
More later
z |
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| Fasting: Day Six |
[Jan. 19th, 2010|08:40 pm] |
Fasting: Day six
Up again this am with M to see her off to work.. I like that a lot, it’s been a while since I have been able to do that and it feels good.
I noticed that I would get up see her off, drink my juice (prepared the night before) and then in about an hour or so get very very sleepy.
The old part of my brain would say “GET UP” and although I find it difficult I listen to my body instead and laid back down. I slept for a couple hours, got up and had a cool drink of water. I took some Mabuchi which is very salty and that seemed to help clear my head.
Spinach, one onion, and three stocks of celery… its really good ….
I felt really good to. I think what I need is to reverse my juicing
I need about 4 quarts of juice total; more green juices than fruit.
Perhaps what is happening is that the morning fruit juice ( we get orange juice in the am me so I guess it was natural to think that way) But I think it’s too much sugar and then I crash and that is what is causing me to be so sleepy.
Starting with a green veggie drink that is carb rich will convert slowly into the insulin my brain and body needs to stay awake and energy for my body.
I have decided to incorporate a schedule: some I already do
1. Morning meditation upon waking: I think whatever your belief or spiritual path is its important to acknowledge that the universe gives us so much.. and doing a juice feast is makes me very aware of that. The touching of live foods and choosing the combinations brings me closer to that idea.
2. Drink one quart of lemon water… using organic lemon juice.
3. Dry body brushing: Since the skin is one way we eliminate toxins so before showering it’s good to scrub da skins..
4. Shower alternating hot and cold water…. Yicks..
5. Drink my first green Juice and then make the rest for the day and put it in the frig.
6. Alternate green with fruit throughout the day… end with a green juice.
I also need to go to the health food store.
Whether you are doing the raw food diet or the juice feast one of the major concerns is the things you can’t get from veggies; like protein.
One way you can get your protein is through bee pollen.. is said to have twice the protein as meat/ read or otherwise.
High quality green powder has in it essential vitaminerals.
Pure Synergy is another product used when eating a Raw diet or while juice feasting
I am finding today easier to see food on tv and to serve M. I think its because I am looking at how I can make my juices more favorable.
Right now I am drinking asparaguses, celery, onion cumun and turmeric. If you like spicy this is the bomb…. The second course is sweet potato with cinnamon, with apple.. smiles..
Till tomorrow
z |
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| Day Five: Fast |
[Jan. 18th, 2010|03:23 pm] |
Last night i tossed and turned throughout the night. Not sure why. I must have had things on my mind.
This morning i started the day with the cleansing receipt and i am thinking i am glad i did. Different then days past i got extremely tired so laid back down for a couple of hours. Upon waking i felt much better. It’s common in the first week of fasting that the person sleeps a lot. Still losing weight; this morning’s weigh in was minus two more pounds. For a total of 8 lbs in 5 days....right on target
My fasting is not really about losing weight although i am won't lie and say i am not happy to be doing so.
A friend asked me yesterday why i would want to do a long fast.
I shared with her that although in the last several years i have come more aware of my own junk and that i do try to take care of myself both physically and emotionally but i don’t think i have really ever done something just for me. Maybe it’s a matter of really never loving me enough? I don’t know, but one thing seems to ring true and that is fasting is really focusing on matters of the mind body and definitely the spirit. The other reasons are that i would like to change some eating habits and start with a clean slate. Prepare my body for surgery and hopefully reduce my recovery time. Lastly, yes i want to lose weight but i think that will be an end result of the other goals..
It was interesting to find that a good friend of mine from NYC is also fasting. She is doing the Master Cleanse. That is way hardcore for me and is akin to the water fast. I researched and even tried that fast almost a year ago. I found it not compatible with my psyche or my body. I do think that detox-fasting or long term juice fasting is really not for everyone and you really have to be ready both mentally and physically.
It is also important that if you are doing it to lose weight, you address the emotional connection between you and the food you eat. I think is crucial to understand that if you fast and detox that once you break that fast if you don’t have a plan and a grip on the emotional component you will gain the weight right back. Even i realize that that plan has to include eating differently and some sort of exercise regime. This is advice i am offering to myself as well lol...
During the fast, not eating will trigger all of those emotions. It might be helpful to connect with a eating disorder specialist or therapist 6 months prior to your long term fast and continue to see them through your fast. Educating yourself is and other key component. What nutrients does your body need to lose or maintain your weight? Yes i have the support of a nutritionalist and my therapist....
For example: For me i need
Water: 2.7 liters
Carbs: 100 grams or less
Protein 46 grams
Fats: High in omega 3 and 6 20%
For me to lose weight
Celeries eaten 1124
Calories burned 3500
This is eating solid foods;
The interesting thing about juicing is that i can triple my intake of vegetables and fruits in 4-6 8 oz glasses. I don’t have to worry about carbs because carbs that naturally occur are not going to be significant enough in the juice serving to add any weight. I get my omega tree from two table spoons of cold pressed flax seed oil. I didn’t know until yesterday that certain vegetable have protein in them. Of course, when fasting, those proteins are not as crucial as it is when eating solids. I am not going to build muscle during the fast and as long as i keep an eye on my urine i should be ok. Dark colored urine means that your body is snacking on muscle to get its proteins... Folks know that protein is important in brain, heart, kidney and adrenal function so be cautious in fasts over 10 days especially if you are doing the water fast.
Time to meditate,,,
z |
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| Day four: Fasting |
[Jan. 17th, 2010|07:01 pm] |
Getting up this am i had a feeling of hunger for the first time since i started. I had a morning juice of oranges, tangerine, raspberry and a cube of ginger. Shared it with M. and although she doesn’t care for ginger she liked everything else. That seemed to satisfy the hunger... i think it’s really important to remember that the healing aspect of this fast may need more time and that it’s really about finding the right balance of veggies and fruit...for your particular body... some bodies need more fruits while others need more veggies and how much greens is also important .... When they say no more than 2 oz of green veggies, they mean it.. i think that is part of my tummy discomfort..
Brain wise i have clarity and emotionally feeling very positive.
I am still trying to deal with the fact that i am not eating solid foods. It’s so much a part of our daily lives but right now i need minimal exposure to it and i really can’t talk about it at all....or hear about it. I mute the commercials that are advertising it... i know, strange i know but i guess it’s not much different that smoking or drinking for the alcoholic...
I guess if a person isn’t doing it they just don’t get it. I think that i get now how powerful fasting is for many reasons and at many levels... i think that it really puts you in touch with yourself and what your mind body and spirit needs. It forces you to look at things and not deny what you body is telling you. Perhaps i have been asleep all this time. Hmm
Body wise: about Mid afternoon the tummy was a little rough and then it hit me. i had read yesterday about plant fats and their values.. your body needs a certain amount of fats.. Plant fats and cold fish fats are the very best Omega 3 and Omega 6 keeps the brain and ducts within the liver functioning well,,, i took in two table spoons of cold pressed organic flax seed oil and within 10 mins i was feeling much better.
Remembering to take that at least two times a day will be a challenging... trust me its best taken with a fruit juice about three oz of juice with 2 tablespoons of oil should do the trick... stir it would yah?
I am still looking for more information on juices, reciepts and how many we should take each day... guess we will have to try it as we go and see what the body says..
One thing i find really interesting is a thing call BODY WISE people... think i will look into that and see what that is all about...
Mediation today was hard so much my mind wants to do when I feel this good but my body is still healing so i get short bursts of energy and then i am sleepy again.... by all accounts this should last a while but i am ok with that... it takes time to have a full detox..
I keep thinking i should have a plan to come out of this fast but i keep going back to "be here be now" That looking forward was something i have done for most of my life...what am i going to do next? What needs to be done? How much can i do while i still feel good because i never know what i am going to feel like tomorrow? Fasting, doesn’t permit that so. Not only is my body healing so is my way of thinking...hmmm i'll have to see how that all works out.
z |
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| Day three: Fast. |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|05:52 pm] |
I woke up late this am but was well rested. No headaches and almost none of my usual aches and pains. The nice thing is that usually when I get up I want to eat and feel really puckish if I don’t. This morning my first thought was not what I was going to have for breakfast.
Did a few things around the house, made my juice and started things as usual. One thing that was kewl was that when I started this, three days ago I was 206, this morning I weighed in at 196… This is way cool but very common in the first few days because most of it is water and ,,,,well ya know “stuff”
Tonight I will start drinking other juices such as veggie juice. Its recommended not to drink more than 4 oz of veggie greens and mix it with apple and carrots to make up the difference.
Can you believe that on class of carrot juice equals 5 large eaten carrots whole…less work on the body more nutrients? Perhaps juicing is the lazy person’s way to eat lol….
In all seriousness not I am looking forward to feeling better. I think this will also help me get to my own personal health goals on down the road.
More to come and hopefully more to go lol
I still havent found a nutritional chart for juices... and correct combinations....
Maybe ordering a book is in order
z |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|05:02 pm] |
Day two: Fast.
I can honestly say that I haven’t slept this good on months. I woke up fully rested.. Unfortunately that good feeling was interrupted by a migraine. It seems like it’s a part of the healing process…It was difficult but I put together my juices and took some meds and laid back down… I slept until 1 and woke up rested and feeling pretty good… little or no evidence that the head was there.
If you know about migraines you know that they can have a lasting effect for days after. Although I was feeling rather sleepy over all I felt pretty good. I noticed that the pain I usually feel going up and down the stairs was dissipating. I have some weird aches and pains in my knees and shoulder.. ( all areas that I have had issues with, in the past) my head is a little foggy, I am floaty and have some problems focusing but again noting sever or unmanageable.
Still eliminating toxins and plan to take a hot shower later. Our bodies eliminate toxins in four ways; skin, lungs, kidneys and colon. Some people report more acne and some other things that come to the surface of the skin.. A sea salt bath is a great way to open your pores, sweat a little and detoxify on that level….no need to use lotions afterwards.. you want your pores open…
The shower was great. About 10pm those feelings of bloating and stiffness in my joints is slowly subsiding and giving way to a lighter feeling.
I did however under estimate the power of food…. Real, solid food. I have been doing good here by myself and then M came home and although she just had soup I could smell it and I wanted some,,, I opted not to but rather to stick to my plan. This re enforces the idea that people need to have support. Food is such a big part of our social interactions with others and yicks that was difficult. It’s good to stick with it though; the benefits will pay off. Plus just think its only 3 days.. you can do it you can do it ,,,, smiles.
One thing is for sure if you do fast remember that you need to allow plenty of time for your body to recover so go slow starting with broth and working back into solid foods.
I have began to think about how I might begin to eat post, detox.
I haven’t decided but have been thinking vegetarian with a lean towards whole and raw foods… I think that most of my nutrition will come from juicing raw fruits and vegetables. I still have a lot of research to do ..
Back soon
z
Over all feeling physically..... i feel hopeful and my inner self feels more positive less burdened by things.... i want more of that in my life. |
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| Day one: Fasting |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|04:19 pm] |
i was up at my usual time and made myself ready.
One thing to think about before doing this is that people around you have to understand the impact fasting will have on you. I did my best to finish projects clean the house. Do some shopping in preparation.. SAMS rocks for the amount of foods you will need. Put it out there that you will need support.... If your friend is fasting don’t tell them what you had for dinner....Try to find a comfortable place to relax where it’s quiet or as quiet as possible. Ask others to help you with work around the house as your energy may all need to go toward this internal cleansing BEFORE DOING THIS MAKE SURE YOU ARE HEALTHY ENOUGH... if you have diabetes or other health conditions make sure that you talk to your doc.....
The champion juicer is a great juicer I got mine it off ebay for 125.oo. They are usually new about 239-300. So i don’t feel too badly about spending the money
The reason i chose that one is that the Norwalk was 2300.00.. yeah i know. We could by a car for that amount...There are two different types of juicers; extruder and centrifugal.. the extruder grinds material and the motor is in the back where as the centrifugal type has the motor at the bottom...and tend to be much faster with more power... this is kewl if you are just juicing away for fun but if you are juicing for top nutritional value the slower speeds don’t heat up the material you are trying to juice. It is for this reason i bought the extruder type.
The prune juice wasn’t too bad sipped it slowly and swished in it my mouth... this is important because it starts your body thinking its eating and releases digestive enzymes. This will help you not feel so hungry..... smiles.. i like tricking my brain... is it really tricking it if my brain is thinking i should do it.. hmmmm ANYWAY sorry...
Thirty mins. later i took in the 16 oz of juice and 16 of water...LET THE CLEANING BEGIN. lol...An hour later things started moving..
By 1pm my head began to clear and i almost felt a buzz.. I was very aware that my energy went up but just for a short time. So i took a short nape, awoke and drank more juice and water... By taking the water and the juice together helps with nutrient absorption. For the rest of the day i sipped the juice and water and spent lots of time in the restroom. Lol
Honestly, I started feeling differently after my second or third hour.
About 10pm i started to get a wicked headache, migraine... i didnt want to have one, not now please..."dude your bumming my stone." i finished my last cup of juice and went to bed.
One think I realized is that detoxing creates and healing crisis in your body… as the juice draws impurities out of your fat cells and other tissues into your lymphatic system to your liver and kidneys. I could feel pain in the weirdest places but by keeping in mind that my body is healing and I might feel worst before I feel better is a good thing.
more to come |
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| Time to act |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|03:37 pm] |
So one of the things that was on my list of contemplate was my health/ weight.
I dont know about anyone else but when dealing with cronic pain its difficult to see yourself in the gym sweating to the oldies lol.. or pumping iron and runing 6 miles on the treadmill will watching THE VIEW lol or Opera.
What i needed was some sort of bost something i could do from home. I had been telling people forever that in order for me to feel better and reap the benifits of exercising i would have to see that i have have doable goals. The second part of that is how will i proceed to my goal and what will i need to do first.
I did some poking around online and of course there are a gazillian diets or eating regiemes none of which made any sense. I narrowed things down to a short list of eating regiems that make sense. 1; vegitarian/ vegan 2. The Palianary diet or what is know as the caveman diet..3. Raw diet... all three pos challenges with the standard american diet.
Since i have had all this time to think i started watching documentries... god help us..If you ever want to get freaked out about stuff peruse the political documentries on netflix... i have to admit it was very eye opening, with regards to our foods and the companies that process our food.. from the grains we eat to the meats we take in..
I watch one moving ,, the last one,,, called "A beautiful truth" Yes there is a cure for cancer and other issues that pleage americans. I wont go into the whole thing but lest say it inspired me to do more of my own research on food and how food might actually reduce some of my own issues... long term.. what i came across was fasting, detoxification and fasting... from there i learned that all the nutrients within the juices extruded from various fruits and vegitables. by juicing fruits and vegitables the body work less to process them and you get twice the nutrients. Of course i have to test this theory for myself. So i did some research on juicers found the one that is best rated for my wallet and for extruding the most juice from the fruit.
The fist step is detoxing. I had tried to do a fasting before and it really didnt make much sense to my brain,,, go from eating to not eating and some how that was going to do it? NO.. BAD IDEA...what i found was that juice fasting was a nutritional way of fasting but still getting my body what it needs..
Treatment: detox. four days or longer depending on the person and their needs
"School of natural healing" by Dr John R Christopher..
In the morning i take 16 oz of prune juice...at room temp..
Make up 64 oz of juice.. 8 grapefruits 6 lemons and 10 or more oranges..
Make up 64 oz of filtered water.
30 mins after you drink the prune juice take 8 oz of the fruit drink followed by 8 oz of water. repeat this every waking hour.
In his book he explains that the prune juice has high fiber that draws impurities to the intestine and the fruit juice moves things along... it also explained that the sugars in the juice along with the other nutrents will help to sustain your bodys needs.
The detox lasts for 3-4 days (for the average person)
I am going to be brave and do this. As i am fasting i will continue to look for a eating plan what will help as well as jot down my experiences as i go.
back later
z |
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| Time to think.... |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|02:58 pm] |
OK... so as most of you know i don’t post much unless i got something to say.
I thought this would be as good a place any to set down some thoughts and experiences of late.
About 6-8 months ago i started having some odd symptoms... My back and legs constantly hurt (different than the usual pain i feel) i was bloated started having more frequent migraines and i was nauseous most of the time. Not to mention i thought i could literally sleep all day. That wasn’t the worst of it.... I couldn’t fit into my LEATHER pants...AHG what a tragedy.. Right? lol
I went to my doctor at the VA and she said (as she always does) you have to lose weight and get more fiber in your diet. This was her suggestion a year ago as well.... Now i am not by any means a health and yes i could lose a few pounds and be in better shape... i took my doctors advice on eating better and nothing changed but my symptoms; they got worst. Now I wasn’t sleeping.
A couple of months later i made another appointment, this time for my annual OBGYN and i told her the same things but this time i took the doctors hand and placed it on the spot where it hurt the most and asked her " is this normal" She palpated the area and said "hmmm we need to get this checked out"
I stressed for two weeks waiting for my appointment. Long story short, I have a mass in my abdominal, the size of a basketball,,,, yes i said it is the size of a basketball. More test were run and although the specialist can’t be 100% sure it’s not cancerous he is 98% sure it’s massive fibroid. These are benign tumors and although not usually cancerous they can cause all kinds of symptoms... like the ones i am having... I have never see a doctor get angry with another doctor but the specialist was beside himself that something this big wasn’t caught months or maybe years earlier and that my general practitioner would blow this off as a weight issue... if they had i wouldn’t be looking at a complete abdominal hysterectomy right now.
He explained to me that fibroids are caused by a estrogen dominant system and when that happens, fibroids can grow the size of a 9 month pregnancy.... go figure me pregnant lol
SO there you have it socialized medicine at its finest. It great, unless you are sick then it’s a crap shoot.
So while I am waiting for my surgery I have had the occasion to do some thinking. For the first week I was really emotional about the whole thing. As you can imagine a lot when through my head…. Worst case sinerios and all that. The second week I turned my energy towards learning about my body and what I would be going through. If memory serves me correctly I started poking around on line as well as making meditation a bigger part of the day… Over time my thoughts cleared and I had done enough crying. I realized that no matter what happens things will be as they are meant to be and that the body’s ability to heal is a remarkable and wondrous process.
I thought about medicine and how the process of healing isn’t about the entire person but rather dulling or treating the symptoms without looking deeper to it root cause. Doctors still think they are gods and patients who question them are still seen as difficult. Heaven help you if you have a mental health challenge; seeking medical care can be a nightmare.
I thought about how as women we are taught to think of others needs before our own to the point that we for get to pay attention to our own needs and our own bodies. That is re enforced by doctors when they say that “oh well you are getting of that age where aches and pains are mornal.” It also most becomes a part of being a woman to be in denial of our own bodies.
I thought about what is it I want for myself? My health, my family, my friends, my community, MY LIFE.. It all came down to a few simple things..
What I must have; non negotiables.
My health is my responsibility; no more just showing up thinking the doctor is going to have my best interest in mind. I will question things that don’t jive. I will search for doctors that actually care and take the time to listen and really hear my concerns and then interpret my concerns. I don’t need a god I need a partner in my health care. I also need to actively find ways to improve my own wellbeing. I need things that are going to work and still allow me to live in the world.
My friends and community: I have been doing all of this introspective work. Although I have much to contribute others, I must be around people who have something to contribute as well. I need to learn from others as much as I need to teach. I am tired of the complaining and constant negativity and energy draining conversations. This is not to say that if something comes up that I can’t be present to help and be a good friend, but if its constant then I find I have no energy for when it is truly needed.
I need people with a positive outlook on daily life and who take active and immediate steps to improve their situation. Another words, happiness doesn’t just happen by accident it’s created from within and expressed to others through our words and actions. So get busy or get out. I need people who are just as interested in inspiring me as I am in inspiring them.
Ok that is it for now.
Stay tuned…
z |
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| Creating for something other then myself |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|01:07 am] |
As part of my practice i search for ways to make a real difference in reducing the suffering of others. i came across the Tibetan Nuns Project a while back ago. I have set out to combine my artistic talents with a worthy cause. i would love for you to team with me in this effort.
The Tibetan Nuns Project was founded over two decades ago to provide education and humanitarian aid for nuns in exile from Tibet and Himalayan regions of India. The Project provides facilities and programs to educate, empower, and improve the status of ordained Tibetan women.
The Tibetan Nuns Project is dedicated to:
Improving standards of food, sanitation, medical care, and education in Tibetan nunneries
Working towards future self-sufficiency through educational and training opportunities
Training nuns to take leadership and service roles within their communities
Improving the level and status of ordained Buddhist women
Assisting recently arrived refugee nuns from Tibet
Continuing to establish further facilities for Buddhist nuns
With your help, "Torma malas by Rinchen" will be able to assist the Tibetan Nuns Project in sponsoring one nun ($360.00) and one teacher for one year ($1500.00). My target goal is $1860.00 US dollars. 100% of this sale will go to the Tibetan Nuns Project.
Namaste
Rinchen
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| Put my truck up for sale |
[Aug. 24th, 2009|08:29 pm] |
Put my truck up for sale today.... kinda feels weird.... but i need something easier to drive and smaller to manuvour...
I will sell it and then head to NC to buy my vehicle.. Southern cars rock... no rust lol |
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| Another painful loss |
[Aug. 18th, 2009|04:26 pm] |
i am saddened today to hear of Jack McGeorges passing. Two losses so close together....
May i be mindful of the needs of others... may i show compassion for their loss.. and provide loving support for those left behind..
in loving memory of both gary and Mr. McGeorge
slave ziggy
TS |
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| Chapter 2 completed |
[Aug. 17th, 2009|05:04 pm] |
Well things are moving along today. Aside form the usual household chores chapter 2 was completed to day..
Interestingly i found a program that reads what i write and is exrremely helpful. I am able to check for not just content but also flow from one idea to another. If you have written before, you know after awhile you read what you think is on paper rather then what is actually there...smiles. This way i have an inpartial reader....its rather cool but i will need to change up readers every once in a while...
In addition, i was wondering if there is a support group for blackberry users. M got one for me and i am hooked..... i think it might be developing an unhealthy relationship.. hmmmm who knew?
z |
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| The Loss of a brother |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|07:58 pm] |
This last week has been hard.
Tuesday, a leather brother died unexpectedly.
It still doesnt feel real and i think that fridays memorial service will bring it all into reality.
He just turned 40...
His club brothers are still as stunned as i and who knows how we will all process this. Right now there is alot of energy focused on getting things ready for the sevice. WE were able to do something really wonderful. At the clubs bar night we did some awsome fund raising.. the boys sold raffle tickets, i boot blacked and LE did this really kewl chinese auction tthing that made 762.00 in like 7 mins.. for a nites total of 2800.00 is less than 4 hours.. Utterly amazing.
i am so amazed last night, people who dont even know gary helped to make it possible for his club brothers to give him a finally send off... a celibration of life... I am sure it happens in other communities but the leather/gay community really seems to be open to helping... who knows maybe because people still remember the loss of so many to the AIDS crisis of the late 80s early 90s.
One thing i wanted to share with those who read my journal... PLEASE PLEASE.. make a WILL... have advanced care directives. and with all of that please have something that shares your final wishes. If you travel for work please have an id card with you with next of kin, lover or friend in your wallet or purse.... its just that important to those who are charged with caring for you... some states will not honor anything said to another person.. it has to be in writing.. This is so very important especially those who are in alternative lifestyles. I dont want to get on a soap box but just please look into it. if you are married review whatever you have to make sure if there is any thing that has changed.
A friend of a farmer says.
"bill how come you dont patch datt hole in yar roof?" 'Well jim" the farmer says. " when the sun is shining ther be no need to fix er. and when its rains i can't fix 'er. He shrugged.
It doesnt seem important now but it will be to someone you love later...
IN MEMORY OF GARY.
z |
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| one more thing off my bucket list |
[Aug. 4th, 2009|10:14 pm] |
The garden is going strong.. Mistress was threatening to put out a vegitable stand out front.... lol its common here but personally i would rather just give it away to those who needs it...
Other than that i have been spending my time writing my book... i am pretty close to its first go around for editing. I never thought i would do this. I remember when i was yonger i had this idea i would write a book but never thought i would actually do it.. now here it is i am 45 and writing a book lol. Even if it doesnt get published it will be one more thing off my bucket list..
I may also be heading to Canada in Oct to show my art work... guess its time for me to do some of the things i have been wanting to do for myself.....
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| Garden update |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|10:20 pm] |
     Can you believe it i am working in the garden and she is reading a book,,,hmmm it must be a master slave thing ... lol
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| Can we be done already |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|05:16 pm] |
OK so here goes
I grew up listening to MJ and yes he produced some really good music and he did alot for black musicians... he showed that music has to be a business or you end up with nothing. He also contributed to charities... not to mention other things i am sure he did in his lifetime. But come on people...He was a drug seeking junkie who even though wasnt convictied had inappropriate relationships with young boys... and we are celibrating him as if he was some sort of hero.. i just cant get on the band wagon..
Just the day before his death people were still being beaten and jailed for protesting the election in Iraq. MJ dies and people turns a blind eye. Of course any loss is a loss but its interesting how we canonize people when there is so much other stuff going on in the world.
I had the oddest conversation with my birth mother today. She IMed me saying hello and then went right in to a liteny of how its not to late for me to accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior and accept the scriputer as the one true path to the Lord. He will take all my pain..................the end is near..she says and there is no time to wait.
I guess i could wright it off and could have just move on but i couldnt...i told her that i was sorry that i could not do that... because that is not my belief nor is it my spiritual path.... it went down hill from there... she ended up leaving the conversation and afterwards i thought about the interaction.
i have never believed as was expected i do have a spiritual life that is very personal to me and my witnessing is done through how i live my life, not what i say i believe. Although i may not believe as others do i have always respected and celibrated their path... belief in some greater ideal than ourselves is never a bad thing. And if that belief system helps to make us better people in the world then it can never be a bad thing..
Ease up Mom
Anyway that was and odd and very ackward situation.. still love my moms no matter what and i hope she feels the same...
z |
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